So, how do you find a life partner? What traits do you seek in a partner?
If it sounds cliché to you, take it as a sign that you should lean in and pay attention. You should consider the seven things outlined below, among others, before choosing the right partner for marriage—or letting the right relationship find you.
What factors should you consider when looking for a life partner?
Follow these considerations when selecting a lifelong partner, give each one your undivided attention, and be patient with the process. Your ideal relationship is only a few steps away.
1. Ensure you both have some common grounds
As much as you want your ideal partner to be different from you, you must also ensure that you share similar values.
Sharing values strengthens the foundation of your relationship. Simple things like reaching an agreement on the number of children you want or living within your means help your relationship thrive.
To avoid long-term conflict, your core values should match to some extent with your suitable partner—for example, your views on parenting, marriage, spirituality, and other beliefs.
Additionally, professional matchmakers can help to find a better partner. A San Francisco matchmaker helps their clients prepare and present themselves well on dates (matchmakers will often coach them before dates) and after they’re out in public — helping with conversation and making that person feel more comfortable.
Significantly, matchmakers conduct extensive interviews with their clients before and during finding matches for them. This enables matchmakers to have in-depth knowledge of what makes each tick — not just in matters of love but also professionally.
They are similar to small business owners in that they build relationships with their clients by staying in touch between dates and are responsible for monitoring the progress of every single date they arrange. This helps people hold each other accountable — even when their matchmaker isn’t present.
While deception is generally disliked, lying is unfortunately common in many relationships. Some couples believe that lying is necessary for survival, but research shows that lying less is associated with better relationships. The ability to trust is crucial when looking for a life partner.
Choose a person whose words and deeds are consistent, open, and honest about their feelings. It’s preferable to be with someone who will be open and honest with you, even if it means admitting that they have feelings for someone else, as opposed to someone who keeps such subjects off-limits or taboo, which can foster a sense of secrecy.
Even if the truth is difficult to accept, getting to know your partner is in your best interest. Someone who conceals aspects of their personality can make you feel insecure and distrustful.
3. Learn to love yourself
Learning to love yourself is a two-step process. First, you must recognize your strengths and weaknesses. Then you must value and love them for who they are.
Recognize the worth of every part of yourself when practicing self-love. Enjoy what you’re good at while recognizing where you can improve. It’s all a wonderful melting pot of who you are.
But here’s the thing: no one else will if you can’t learn to recognize your greatness in all of your flaws.
You will always give off some subconscious doubt until you appreciate all you are and own it. It’s a “quality relationship repellant” of sorts. People will feel self-doubt and will not want to carry that baggage.
4. Respectful and Sensitive
Respect is one of the most crucial characteristics to look for in a partner. When you find someone who supports you in being who you are, you can feel safe in your relationship while maintaining your independence.
Feeling loved is simple when someone supports you in doing what brings you joy and light. This person might be willing to confront you when you exhibit self-destructive attitudes and actions. This tuned-in way of relating is sensitive and respectful of who you are apart from your partner.
When someone appreciates you and is interested in the things you are passionate about, you can truly share life with this person while still pursuing your unique interests.
5. Learn from your experience
What went wrong in your marriages? How much did your or your partner’s actions contribute to the breakdown of those relationships?
Each relationship teaches us something in some way. These lessons are critical for moving forward.
Start experimenting now that you’ve gained experience. Make a concerted effort to avoid people who bring up memories of your past. Give more weight to the aspects of the relationship that are important to you. Try not to dismiss them as you have in the past.
Doing the same things you’ve always done won’t get you better results in the future. Recognize where you went wrong, then change your behavior to attract better people into your life.
People frequently fall into the trap of thinking that being in a relationship is a way for two people to become one. It is unhealthy for the relationship and you to try to merge your identity with someone else.
Things frequently go wrong when a couple settles into a routine and loses their innate attraction to one another. Real relating is replaced by the appearance of a connection, or “fantasy bond.” This sense of fusion dampens the passion in a relationship.
By retaining your individuality—enjoying both shared and separate interests with your partner, keeping up external friendships, and constantly trying new things—you can maintain romance and attraction.
Along with emotional maturity, openness to feedback is something to look for in a partner. Your partner should be interested in changing their self-limiting behaviors and willing to listen to what you have to say.
Maintaining a close relationship requires open and honest communication. When someone constructs a barrier that says, “I am unwilling to listen and unwilling to change,” there is very little room for growth on both sides.
When a couple is willing to communicate about themselves, their feelings openly, and their reactions to each other, they avoid building a case and creating tensions that will eventually tear them apart. They build a solid foundation for a workable relationship that will evolve by being resilient and listening to each other.
When you decide to settle down with someone, that person becomes your partner for life, your partner for a lifetime! Commitment, loyalty, and sincerity are the foundations of a successful relationship. Always keep your opinions loose and your expectations low and light, and never get caught up in the rat race of finding faults in others to prove you’re right. If you can do this with your preferred partner, your relationship is on a happy roller coaster ride.